Building trust

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Most of us try hard to be reliable. If we make a commitment to someone, we do our best to honor it.  We want our friends, loved ones, and co-workers to know that they can count on us.

As a result, we end up doing things we may not really feel like doing–simply because we’ve told someone else that we will.

The last thing we feel like doing at the end of a workday is stopping by a neighbor’s house to feed the cats and clean the litter box. But we’ve promised to look in on Fluffy while he’s away. So we do.

Sometimes this works to our advantage. We’ve promised to meet a buddy at the gym for an early morning workout. When the alarm rings at 6am, we just want to roll over and go back to sleep.  But we’re not about to be a no show. We honor our commitments.

Sometimes, of course, we can’t keep our promises. But for the most part, we make it a priority.

Except when those commitments are to ourselves.

We break the promises we make to ourselves all the time.  We vow to take a break from social media. We commit to a new diet or exercise plan. We resolve to meditate every morning.

And then we just don’t do it.

We think it doesn’t matter because we’re not letting anyone else down.  But it DOES matter. We are teaching ourselves that we don’t take our own goals very seriously. That we can’t be trusted to come through for ourselves.

Pretty soon, we don’t even take our commitments to ourselves very seriously. We make all kinds of reckless, half-baked promises. Because we know we’re all talk and no action.

What if you were to decide to take the commitments you make to yourself as seriously as the commitments you make to others?  To show up for yourself, no matter what?

How would that affect how you feel about yourself? How might that affect which goals you commit to? How might it affect your ability to reach them?

What if honoring your commitments to yourself meant you had to make fewer (or different) commitments to others?

If you’ve repeatedly broken your promises to yourself, it may take some time to rebuild trust in your own integrity. It starts by making a commitment…and keeping it. And then repeating, over and over. Until you start to believe that a promise that you make to yourself is just as important as a promise you make to anyone else.

What promise to yourself can you make and keep this week?

Stop hitting the pause button

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I just returned home from an 8-day business trip. If you travel for business, you know how that goes: your normal eating and exercise routines are thrown completely under the bus, you don’t have a lot of control over what and when you eat, the food is often richer and more indulgent than your usual fare, and you might be getting less sleep. All your healthy habits feel out of reach.

I used to just mentally hit the “pause button” when trips like this came up and resolve to get back to eating healthy when I returned.

The problem is that something was always coming up to prevent me from sticking to my healthy routines: A vacation. A special event. A huge deadline at work. A hospitalized parent. A friend in need. An unexpected guest. (Or, in this case, a stomach bug that hit the day after I returned.)

The truth is, my healthy habits were “on pause” a lot more than they weren’t. Because life.

I finally realized that the only way to live a healthy life was to figure out how to make healthy choices even when I was out of my normal routine.  Because it turns out that my idealized notion of what a healthy day includes (aka, my “normal routine”) doesn’t actually happen all that often.

So, instead of “hitting the pause button” during my business trip, I continued to make the healthiest choices I could. I realized I didn’t have to eat every time we took a snack break. I didn’t have to sample every dessert. I didn’t have to drink wine with every meal. I stood through presentations in the back of the room instead of sitting all day. I talked some folks into walking back from dinner instead of taking the shuttle van.

My point is, if all the conditions need to be perfect in order to lose weight, we’re not going to make much progress toward our goals.

So, the next time you’re tempted to hit the “pause” button, commit instead to making the best choices you can under the circumstances. Don’t wait for life to get back to normal. It won’t!

When are you most likely to hit the pause button? How could you navigate that situation as someone who weighs less?

What are you saying no to?

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What am I saying No to by saying Yes to this?

I love this question because it allows me to be a little more conscious of the trade-offs I am making.

If I’m just trying to decide whether or not I want dessert, the answer is always going to be Yes.  But if saying Yes to dessert means I’m saying No to weighing less, then I’m forced to consider which is worth more to me.

Similarly, by saying YES to working late. I’m also saying NO to working out.  Which is more important to me today?

By saying YES to a second glass of wine, I am probably saying NO to a sound night’s sleep.  (Alcohol definitely degrades my sleep quality.)   Which do I want more?

By saying YES when my sister calls and asks if I have time to chat, I’m saying NO to catching the news or taking a walk.  Often, that tradeoff is 100% OK with me.

Try this question out for yourself and see what you discover. Even if it doesn’t change your decision, I guarantee it will give you more insight into what you’re choosing and why.

 

 

Staying on track in the evenings

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Photo by Joshua Fuller on Unsplash

Do you ever feel like there are two versions of you?

There’s Morning You that’s totally committed to a healthy lifestyle. The you that makes a smoothie for breakfast, packs a salad for lunch, takes the stairs instead of the elevator, fills up your water bottle several times a day (from the furthest possible water cooler), and takes the dog for a longer-than-necessary walk before grilling fish and vegetables dinner.

And then there’s Evening You. The you that starts rummaging through the snack cupboard as soon as the dinner dishes are done. The you that just wants to relax in front of the tube with a bag of pretzels or bowl of ice cream. The you that wants another glass of wine, thank you very much, instead of a stupid cup of herbal tea.

The you that doesn’t care about eating healthy or losing weight. (Morning You can get back to that tomorrow…)

But it’s hard for Morning You to make much progress when Evening You basically undoes every good choice you’ve made in the first part of the day.

Here is a way to get Evening You more on board with the program

The Evening Ritual

You’ve heard of Morning Rituals but an Evening Ritual can be just as powerful.

A morning ritual helps you start the day on the right foot.  It might be a few minutes spent journaling or meditating, exercising, reading, or listening to a motivating podcast.  And that sends you into the day with a lot of positive momentum, making it easier to make good choices.

By the end of the day, that morning clarify and focus may feel very far away. You’re worn down and frazzled by the day’s challenges and motivation starts to slip. But you can refresh your intentions by taking a few moments at the end of the day or beginning of the evening to check back in with yourself and your goals.

Your evening ritual doesn’t have to be long or elaborate. It might be a ten minute session on your yoga mat, a few minutes reading something that inspires you, or even just sitting quietly, closing your eyes, and taking some deep breaths. Acknowledge the day’s successes. Let go of the day’s frustrations. Remind yourself what’s important. You’ll go into the evening feeling much more relaxed and in touch with what you want for yourself and from your evening.

(And tomorrow, Morning You will thank you.)

What sort of evening ritual can you create for yourself?  Where and when will it take place? What will it include? How will it conclude? Feel free to email us your thoughts, we’d love to hear them!

Move your body when you can this holiday season

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Time is tight during the holidays, and that may mean that you really do not have time to do your regular exercise minute routine.

Usually, I walk 15 minutes to the gym, do 40 minutes of throwing around something fun and heavy, and then walk 15 minutes home again. That is 70 minutes that I definitely will not have while I am prepping for holiday festivities and trying to maintain my status of “super cool uncle.”

But that does not mean I will throw in the towel and skip my movement practice altogether. I will simply do what I can with the time I have.

Here are a few things I plan to do and that you can also try.

  1. Turn errands and chores into exercise. This can be as easy to do as walking to the store with a couple of bags and a backpack to pick up the holiday meal ingredients or last-minute presents. Or it can be more involved, like adding some extra challenges to shovelling the walk. Personally, I like to alternate which hand I use on the shovel and also challenge myself to see how far I can throw the snow.
  2. Do some short movement breaks throughout the day when you have a few minutes. Burpees, jumping jacks, squat jumps and other full-body movements are great activities to pepper in when you don’t have much time but want to get your heart rate up. The key is to choose multi-joint and full-body movements to maximize the impact these short bursts of movement will have. If nothing else, get up 7 minutes early and do the Scientific 7-Minute Workout before you even say good morning to anyone.
  3. Turn outdoor fun into fitness. There are many great outdoor activities available to us at this time of year—and many of them can be turned into a real workout with a slight variation. For example: sledding. Sure you could watch the young ones go up and down the hill while you take pictures on your phone, but how about taking it to the next level by joining in and running up the hill each time instead of doing the traditional trudge. For bonus points, invite some kids to add some weight to your toboggan by giving them a ride up the hill. Use your imagination and make it fun!

When time is tight, focus on doing what you can, when you can, with as much of your body as you can. That is much MUCH better than doing nothing and crossing your fingers while waiting for Jan 1 to roll around.

Learn to indulge more extravagantly

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There are so many extra opportunities to indulge at this time of year.  As we’ve been talking about all month, the idea is not to completely avoid all the good things. But at the same time, if we indulge at every opportunity, it’s probably going to undermine our goals/progress.

Instead of trying to indulge less, learn to indulge more extravagantly.

Remember to tune into your entire sensory experience, not just the chewing and swallowing! Call to mind all of the pleasant memories that the sight of a special treat evokes for you. Remember times that you’ve enjoyed this treat in the past. Where were you? Who were you with?  Take a moment to enjoy the smell.  Let your mouth water a bit! Now, notice the way the aroma and texture contribute to your experience of the flavor.  Tune into the pleasure you get as that first bite hits your stomach.

Notice how your sensory experience is richest right before and during your first bites, and how it starts to fade as you continue to eat. When it’s no longer feeling special, stop. And then, take a moment to fully savor the experience you’ve just had. Instead of rushing through what feels like a guilty pleasure, claim it! Let it expand in time, space, and perception.  The more present you are with that experience, the more vivid, pleasurable, and satisfying the memory of it will be.

This holiday, I hope you will take the opportunity to have at least one peak treat experience. See how much more pleasure you can get when you choose your treats carefully and enjoy them fully.  And let this be your new holiday motto:

Only the good stuff. Just enough. Extravagantly enjoyed.

Staying motivated through the holidays

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It’s not just you. MOST of us end up eating more sugar, drinking more alcohol, missing more workouts, and eating fewer vegetables at this time of year. We THINK the problem is that we’ve lost our motivation. But I don’t think we stop wanting to weigh less just because it’s the holidays.

It’s just that our usual routines get thrown into the blender.  Travel, extra obligations, and disruptions in our schedule eat into our usual exercise times. Meal planning and grocery shopping fall by the wayside. And there are so many more opportunities to indulge.

If we fall short of our usual standard, we feel like we’ve failed, which drains our ambition even further and it quickly turns into an ugly downward spiral.

The solution is to redefine what success looks like at this time of year. Think about what you really need and what feels possible. What do you want to remember most when it’s all over? What are you most looking forward to? What could you skip without really missing it? How do you want to feel on New Year’s Day?

Holiday success might mean:

  • getting to the gym once a week without fail instead of your usual three times–and sneaking in more 20 minute walks
  • doing a short yoga video at home on Saturday morning instead of your usual 75 minute class at the studio.
  • keeping it to 5 drinks a week instead of your usual 2
  • allowing yourself a little extra sugar but only for treats that are truly worthy
  • relaxing your no-eating-after-8 rule but NOT your no-eating-in-front-of-the-TV rule
  • not gaining weight between now and New Year’s.

Having a clear holiday ambition and a realistic plan for how you’re going to make it happen fuels success, which fuels motivation.

What’s your ambition for this holiday season? How will you define success?

Menopause and the Middle-Age Spread

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In the Weighless Program, we have members spanning a wide range of demographics. One well-represented group is perimenopausal and menopausal women. As a result, a common question that pops up is whether or not the “middle-age spread” is inevitable.

As we tell our members, just because something is common, doesn’t mean it is inevitable.

I recently interviewed Dr. Tamsin Lewis on the Get-Fit Guy podcast (player below).  Dr. Tam is both an Ironman athlete and a Medical Doctor as well as a middle-aged woman herself. So she understands the body both medically and athletically.

When I asked Dr. Tam if this middle-age spread is indeed inevitable, she replied: “I don’t think anything in life is inevitable, is it? Apart from death and taxes. Menopausal weight gain is certainly common, but that doesn’t mean it is inevitable or even normal.”

“Theoretically, [during menopause], your body does become more prone to storing weight around the middle.” and that is why she advises the patients that she works with to make some changes to their diet, how they exercise, and perhaps even look into hormonal supplementation.

In the Weighless Program, we question common assumptions and dissect “conventional wisdom.”  We also encourage our members to experiment with changes in exercise and diet to learn how our bodies respond rather than accept a one-size-fits-all solution–or throw our hands in the air in defeat.

Ageing happens, there is no doubt – but that doesn’t mean we have to go down without a fight!

How not to backslide during the holidays

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Aaaand, here we are. As much as we may (or may not!) look forward to them, the holidays can wreak havoc on your healthy lifestyle. Parties and get-togethers every weekend. Tempting treats are everywhere we look. Schedules go into the blender.  (Workout? What workout?)

[Click here for your Healthy Holiday Tip sheet]

We tell ourselves that we will clean up our act on January 1st– but that can lead us to indulge even more recklessly.

The truth is that, over-indulging doesn’t actually enhance your enjoyment of the festivities.  Because the fifth Christmas cookie or third cup of eggnog doesn’t taste anywhere near as good as the first.

Plus, the anxiety about what it’s going to take to undo the damage come January 1st is never that far below the surface.

What if this year were different?

Wouldn’t it be nice to start 2020 off already feeling good instead of playing catch-up?  This year, instead of the usual New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, why not make a New Year’s Pre-Solution. We’re not talking about spending December on a diet or avoiding everything that makes this time of year special.

We’re talking about enjoying the holidays mindfully and to the fullest—and ringing in the New Year with no regrets.

Click here for your Holiday Tip sheet, with 8 completely do-able actions you can take to set yourself up for success in the weeks ahead.

Here’s to a healthy and happy holiday season!

Letting go of scale drama

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After enjoying a delicious meal or indulging in a treat, do you immediately feel dread over what the scale will say the next day?

If you get on the scale and see that you’ve gained two or three pounds overnight, does this throw you into an emotional tailspin?

It’s time to lose the scale drama!

Your weight today is not punishment (or reward) for what you ate yesterday! I don’t care how badly you fell off the wagon, you did not gain five pounds of fat overnight. For that matter, your one-day celery juice fast did not cause you to lose five pounds of fat.  That’s simply not how it works.

Virtually all of the day-to-day variation in your body weight reflects transient changes in the amount of water and (ahem) waste in your body. It can take up to two weeks for changes in your diet and exercise to actually translate into fat loss–or gain.

In fact, an uptick in today’s weight could actually reflect the fact that you ate more vegetables or legumes yesterday. Both of these foods weigh a lot more per calorie than, say, butter and jelly beans. But obviously, eating vegetables and legumes is  a lot more likely to help you weigh less over the long run.

In the Weighless Program, we encourage people to hop on the scale every day.  (In one recent study, those who weighed themselves every single day lost more than TWICE as much weight as those weighing themselves four or five times a week.)

But we also advise them to ignore what they see there. Well, not entirely. We ignore the daily weights and focus instead on whether our weight (we use a 7-day moving average) is trending up, down, or staying the same. That’s really all that matters.