How to

Letting go of scale drama

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After enjoying a delicious meal or indulging in a treat, do you immediately feel dread over what the scale will say the next day?

If you get on the scale and see that you’ve gained two or three pounds overnight, does this throw you into an emotional tailspin?

It’s time to lose the scale drama!

Your weight today is not punishment (or reward) for what you ate yesterday! I don’t care how badly you fell off the wagon, you did not gain five pounds of fat overnight. For that matter, your one-day celery juice fast did not cause you to lose five pounds of fat.  That’s simply not how it works.

Virtually all of the day-to-day variation in your body weight reflects transient changes in the amount of water and (ahem) waste in your body. It can take up to two weeks for changes in your diet and exercise to actually translate into fat loss–or gain.

In fact, an uptick in today’s weight could actually reflect the fact that you ate more vegetables or legumes yesterday. Both of these foods weigh a lot more per calorie than, say, butter and jelly beans. But obviously, eating vegetables and legumes is  a lot more likely to help you weigh less over the long run.

In the Weighless Program, we encourage people to hop on the scale every day.  (In one recent study, those who weighed themselves every single day lost more than TWICE as much weight as those weighing themselves four or five times a week.)

But we also advise them to ignore what they see there. Well, not entirely. We ignore the daily weights and focus instead on whether our weight (we use a 7-day moving average) is trending up, down, or staying the same. That’s really all that matters.

Here’s what to do when nothing is working

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“I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. ”

We hear this all the time from people who want to work with us.  But when we really peel back the layers, it turns out that they haven’t tried anything at all. Not really.

Here’s how it usually goes down:

You buy into a new idea–eating clean or intermittent fasting or intuitive eating. Whatever it is, it’s the solution you’ve been looking for.

You read the book, buy the workbook, do the exercises. You make a plan and schedule it all in. And that’s where the effort peaks.

Maybe you stick to the plan for a day or 3.  And then, you start to hit some resistance. You get impatient. It’s hard and it’s not working yet. So you conclude that it’s not for you and start looking for the next thing.

When we continually jump from thing to thing, and don’t stick with anything long enough to get results, we get nowhere. We say we’ve tried everything and nothing works. But in reality, we’ve tried nothing.

The only way to get results that last is to permanently change your behavior. And true behavior change takes sustained effort.  Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be extreme or excruciating effort. Just sustained.

And it’s not a matter of picking the best or most effective diet or workout, either.

Take 100 steps on any path and you’ll be much closer to your destination than taking the first 10 steps on 10 different paths.

So, the next time you commit to a positive change or action, no matter how small, commit to staying the course. Give yourself time to actually create and reinforce that new habit pattern. (They say creating a habit takes 21 days but it depends on the habit. You know it’s a habit when you no longer have to decide whether or not to do it. )

Give that new behavior time to bear fruit before deciding that something else will work better.

“Something else” won’t work better.  The thing you stick with is going to be the thing that works or, at the very least, leads you to the thing that works.

The hidden cost of an unmet goal

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How long have you been wanting to lose some weight? To feel good about your body? To have a less fraught relationship with food?

A lot of people I know have been struggling with these issues for much of their adult lives. They’ve cycled through periods of concerted action and long stretches of inertia.  A new program or commitment works for a while and they make some progress.  Maybe they even briefly reach their goal, whether that’s a certain number on the scale or sticking with a regimen for a given period of time.

But somehow, it doesn’t last. Something throws them off their routine. Old habits reassert themselves. And eventually, the success or progress slips away. Until they realize that they are back where they started, with the same unmet goal.

It’s exhausting to carry around a goal that we never get any closer to. To have a problem that we can’t solve–or that won’t stay solved. To make the same resolution over and over again.

It’s demoralizing.   And it costs us in other ways as well.

Too often, we end up putting other goals on hold. Maybe you’d love to update your wardrobe, or switch jobs, or book a bucket list vacation.  But you defer taking action on any of those dreams. Because it seems like everything would be more possible, would make more sense, if you weren’t so exhausted and demoralized by this unsolved problem.

We created the Weighless program to help people solve their unsolvable problem, to help them finally reach that perpetually unmet goal.  We do this by showing them how to harness and control their Attention, Intention, and Action (you MUST leverage all three) to change their mind, their body, and their life. Not only does this help them weigh less without dieting, this method often helps them solve other problems and achieve other goals.

If you’re on our mailing list, you’ll be notified when enrollment for the next year-long program opens. (If you’re not, you can sign up here.)

But in the meantime, even if you’re not 100% happy with your body or your relationship with food right now, stop deferring your other dreams.

Buy a new outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks.  Submit that resume. Put down a deposit on that dream vacation.  For one thing, you deserve to realize your dreams. What's more, pursuing a worthy goal often has the somewhat magical effect of making progress on other fronts more possible.

What have you got to lose?

Respect your hunger (but ask to see ID)

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Chronic dieters often tell me that one of the hardest things about losing weight is constantly being hungry.

In the Weighless program, we don’t go hungry.

The correct response to the biological cue of hunger is to seek food. We don’t override or suppress this response.

But we also don’t eat constantly, either.

What we do instead is learn to recognize whether we are truly hungry–or just feel an urge to eat for some other reason.   And if we realize that the impulse to eat is actually out of boredom or stress or habit, we practice responding to those needs more appropriately.

We tackle this skill in month 2 of our 12 month program and many of our alumni look back on this as one of the most transformational parts of the program.

Want to give it a try? Here are some tips to help you decide whether it’s actually time to eat:

  • Consider when and what you last ate. If it’s been several hours since your last meal, or your meal was very small, you may actually be hungry. But if you just had a meal an hour ago or just ate a snack, you probably don’t really need food. Try drinking a glass of water and see if that removes the hungry feeling.
  • Consider your emotional state. If you’re feeling bored, anxious, stressed, lonely, or if you’re procrastinating doing something you don’t want to do, be skeptical of that feeling of “hunger.”
  • Consider what you want to eat. If you want to eat a bag of chips or a cookie, but you don’t want to eat a salad or chicken with broccoli, you’re probably not really hungry.
  • Try distracting yourself. Call a client, do a little work, or take a short walk. If you still feel hungry after 10 minutes, it might be time for a (healthy) meal or snack.

With a little practice, you’ll get a lot better at distinguishing true hunger from the urge to eat–giving you the opportunity to respond more appropriately.  You really can weigh less without ever feeling hungry, deprived or resentful.

Stop exercising to burn calories

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I just saw yet another infographic showing how much exercise is required to burn off various fast foods: a Krispie Kreme donut,  McDonalds French fries, five Oreos, a grande Starbucks frappuccino, etc. (I’m not going to link to it here because I don’t want to encourage this sort of thing!)

Fitness trackers and calorie counters make it seem like the only reason to exercise is to burn off those pesky calories.

A couple of years ago, there was even a serious discussion about adding an “activity equivalent” to the calorie count on our nutrition facts labels.

But all of this just reinforces the dieter’s mindset: the idea that we have to offset “bad” eating choices with “good” behaviors like exercise.

Burning calories is NOT the primary benefit of exercise. Nor should it be the primary goal.

So what’s the point of exercise, then?

  • Increased strength, flexibility, and balance
  • Strong bones
  • Reduced stress
  • Improved sleep
  • Enhanced immunity
  • Reduced chronic pain
  • Better mood

And by the way – exercise isn’t just the 20, 30, or 60 minutes you spend at the gym or doing a workout video in your living room.  Your day is full of opportunities to move, stretch, and strengthen your body.  You just need to get into the habit of noticing and taking advantage of them!

The human body was designed for movement, and learning to move more can truly improve the quality of your life–and also help you weigh less in the long run.

How can you add more movement into your day today?

How to stop the guilt/deprivation cycle

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We’ve been talking lately about the many choices that we get to make about what, whether, and how much to eat, and working on making these choices more intentional.  But I want to caution you against framing these choices in terms of Want vs. Should.

“I really WANT to have a bowl of ice cream. But I SHOULD say no.”

This is a lose-lose scenario!   If you give in and have what you want, you feel bad for not doing what you should.  And if you stick to your guns and do what you should, you don’t get to have what you want.

If this is how you are setting up your choices, your whole day becomes a depressing and exhausting series of decisions that either lead to guilt or deprivation.  Who wants to live like that?

As you’re considering what to choose, avoid loaded words like want, need, should, and shouldn’t. Focus instead on the fact that you have options, and that each option has pros and cons.

“I could have a bowl of ice cream. Or I could have a piece of fruit instead.”

“I can have ice cream tonight or I can look forward to that as a treat at the end of the week.”

“I can have two scoops or I can have one scoop.”

“I could eat ice cream until I feel better or I could take a walk and see if I can find a way through this feeling that doesn’t move me away from my goals.”

Consider what you get from each.  How much and what kind of satisfaction or pleasure would you get? How long will that last? (5 minutes? 10?) How will you feel after that? (Stronger? Calmer? Regretful?) How long will THAT feeling last? (A day? A Lifetime?)

Even the difference between saying “I get to make so many choices every day!” instead of “I have to make so many choices every day” can be so empowering.

This week, I invite you listen to your self-talk a little more carefully.  Instead of setting yourself up for a lose/lose situation, see if you can frame your choices in terms of which presents the more meaningful win.

Choose to Say Yes More Often

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Last week, I talked about the many choices that we get to make each day about whether, what, and how much we want to eat. Becoming more aware of these choices is one of the first thing we work on in the year long Weighless program.  But our members are often confused about this at first.

They think this means self-policing every move.

They think doing it “right” means always doing what they “should.”

But it’s more subtle than that. It’s about noticing how often we actually have an opportunity to make a choice. (Remember: A habit is just a choice we don’t realize we’re making.)

Because when we can tune into the fact that we’re actually making a choice, making a different choice suddenly becomes an option!

So, before I reflexively order/serve/grab/eat something, I take a moment to consider: Am I actually hungry or just responding to a cue? Do I really want this or would something else be more satisfying?

The other big misunderstanding is that your only two choices are Yes and No.   (And that the right choice is always No.)

But these are not your only choices!  Other great choices include:

“Yes, but just half that much, thanks.”

“Yes, but not right now. I think I’ll save that for later.”

“No, I’d actually much prefer ____________ instead.”

And, of course, every once in a while the right choice is: “HELL YES!!”

So, as you continue to tune in to the many choices you get to make every day, try to enjoy the freedom this offers you. See if you can find ways to say Yes more often, but in ways that are more aligned with your goal of weighing less.

The difference between losing weight and weighing less

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If you’re not happy with your current weight, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about how to lose weight.

“I will eat 1200 calories a day.”

“I’ll ban all carbs.”

“I’ll drink protein shakes for breakfast and lunch.”

“I’ll do Whole 30. (Again).”

But these are not strategies that lead to weighing less. These are strategies that (sometimes) lead to losing weight, and then (usually) regaining it.

I want you to stop focusing on how you’re going to lose weight.  Instead, I want you to imagine that you weigh less right now. Really picture what that looks and feels like. And now, I want you to walk yourself through a typical day. What sort of habits and lifestyle does that version of you have?

For example, as a person who weighs less, you’d probably:

  • Limit your intake of sweets, refined carbohydrates, and fried foods. (Note: I didn’t say “never eat sweets, refined carbohydrates, or fried foods.”)
  • Avoid eating in front of the television or computer.
  • Eat more vegetables and fewer starches. (In other words, gravitate toward foods that fill you up for fewer calories.)
  • Take slightly smaller portions.
  • Stop at a single cocktail or glass of wine.
  • Have fruit for dessert—or no dessert, most of the time.
  • Drink water or tea instead of soda.
  • Make time most days for a 20-30 minute walk at lunch or before dinner, or both.
  • Take time on weekends to shop and do a little cooking so that you’re not as dependent on take-out and prepared foods to get you through the busy week.

The Secret is to Start at the Finish Line

Can you picture that trim, healthy person? Can you imagine what a typical day looks like? Can you see what’s on the dinner plate, shopping cart, and kitchen cupboards? Good.

Because that’s what I want you to start choosing right now.  Start practicing the mindset, habits, and lifestyle of someone who weighs less and you will become someone who weighs less. (Instead of someone who is constantly trying to lose weight.)

This is not some sort of law of attraction baloney. It’s pure (and proven) cause and effect.

So, who are you going to be today?

The Magic of Making Choices

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How many food or beverage related decisions do you make in a typical day? Most people estimate that number to be around 15. In reality, the actual number is closer to 200.

Whether or not we are conscious of it, we are constantly making decisions about whether or not to eat, and what, where, how, and how much to eat. We make a similar number of decisions every day about whether and how we use our bodies.

This is great news.

It means that hundreds of times a day, we have an opportunities to choose something different.

  • We can choose to sit down for lunch without a phone or tablet and enjoy the benefits of eating more mindfully.
  • We can select a smaller plate or bowl.
  • We can choose to stand up while participating in a conference call.
  • We can order a side salad instead of fries.
  • We can choose to pour a glass of seltzer instead of a second glass of wine.

The great thing about having so many opportunities to make choices is that we don’t have to nail every one, every day. Seizing just a handful of these opportunities every day can start adding up to a different sort of lifestyle and, eventually, a different set of habits.

And, as we see over and over again in the Weighless program, that ultimately leads to weighing less…without dieting.

But before you can start making different choices, you’ve got to tune into the fact that a choice is actually being made. A habit, after all, is just a choice that you don’t realize you’re making.

As you go through your day today, try to notice when you are making a food, beverage, or movement-related choice. What are you choosing? What else could you choose? How would it feel to make a different choice, just this one time?

This is just one of the many techniques we use in the Weighless program to gradually develop habits and behaviors that lead to weighing less without dieting. Try it for a week and see what you think!

Collecting the Evidence

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It’s frustrating to see how persistent our bad habits can be. Maybe it’s the 9 pm snacking free-for-all that happens every night.  Or your seeming inability to drive past the drive-thru on your way to work without pulling in. Or always succumbing to temptation and pouring that second glass of wine, despite your intention to stop at one.

Whatever it is, you can clearly see that this habit is standing between you and progress. But you can’t seem to change it. Day after day, despite your best intentions, you repeat the pattern, making you feel like a failure. It seems pretty obvious that you simply don’t have the ability (or will power or strength or resolve or whatever) to change this habit.

It’s hard to keep believing that change is possible when all the evidence seems to point to the contrary.  And that’s why it’s so important to collect some evidence that a different choice is possible.

If you have a long-standing habit that you want to change, not doing it for a single day is obviously not enough to undo years of daily reinforcement. But it is the beginning of showing your unconscious brain that change is, in fact, a possibility.

It’s not enough to know what we want to choose.  If you have a long-standing habit that is getting in your way, start by collecting some evidence that it is possible for you to make a different choice. Even once.

Choosing something else may be uncomfortable at first but will get more and more comfortable with practice. Also, remember that habits get momentum the more you practice them – both good and bad – so make sure you fuel the good ones and starve the unwanted ones.