Mindset

We asked people to share the biggest thing keeping them from tackling their weight issues. And one answer that keeps cropping up is breaking my heart.

“I have tried (and failed) too many diets in the past.”

“With a history of yo- yo dieting, I already feel discouraged.”

“Knowing myself, I won’t succeed.”

Ouch. I get it. You’ve tried again and again to lose weight without success. Or you’ve lost weight and always gain it back. The thought of trying and failing again is just too painful.

But the alternative seems just as painful: simply giving up and accepting that you’ll always be unhappy with your body and your relationship with food.

But there is one more option. And it’s not simply to try again and hope that this time, somehow, it will be different. It’s to try something you haven’t tried before.

Instead of going on yet another diet to lose weight, you could start creating a life in which you weigh less.

You can accept that this process will involve a certain amount of failure. But if properly utilized, those failures can actually become stepping stones to success.

And just like mountain climbers clip into each others’ lines for safety, you can hook into a community and a system that will keep you from falling off the mountain when you slip, and hold you in place until you regain your footing.

This is what we do in the Weighless program.

Here’s the thing: Every single one of the people who has succeeded with us had a long history of failed attempts.

I’m so glad they didn’t give up. I’m so glad they decided to try one more time…but to try something completely different.

I have been thinking about how our current covid-heavy situation might be affecting our motivation and willpower lately and my research led me to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Now, this may sound dry but stick with me for a minute.

This is how the hierarchy goes, in order from most important to least important (remember, this is in “the survival of the species” terms).

1. Biological and physiological needs – food, drink, shelter, warmth, sleep, air.
2. Safety needs – protection, security, order, law, stability.
3. Love and Belongingness – family, affection, relationships
4. Esteem (cognitive, aesthetics) – achievement, status, responsibility, reputation
5. Self-actualization – personal growth and fulfillment
6. Transcendence – Helping others (this was a later addition to the hierarchy)

If we are striving to maintain motivation for some of the higher needs on Maslow’s scale, like “Self-actualization” (personal growth and fulfillment), but – for perhaps the first time in our lives – we are faced with the possibility of our “physiological” or “safety” needs not being met, well isn’t it totally understandable that our motivation for self-improvement takes a backseat? Or gets the boot altogether?

Here’s an example: you want to learn how to do a pull-up properly so you resolve to exercise for at least 30 minutes each evening after dinner. Great! But instead, you find yourself reading social media posts about how the food supply in your nation is deeply flawed or obsessing about how your retirement savings have taken a hit during the current financial downturn.

By nature of our own instinct for survival, the motivation to get strong enough to do a pull-up is replaced by worry about safety and security.

This is the problem with relying too heavily on motivation. And I mean any time In hIstory, not just during a global pandemic.

In the Weighless approach, (unlike in most diets or exercise programs) we take the focus off of motivation and willpower and instead build systems that can withstand stress and uncertainty. We focus on paying attention to the thoughts and the feelings that drive our choices and actions. Are they true? Are they meaningful? What other choices do we have that are rooted in reality (not just in fear)?

By doing this we can circumvent motivation and achieve our goals, even during stressful times.

Motivation can certainly help you survive but it is unlikely to help you thrive.

I know it seems like a lifetime ago, but think back to before we were all plunged into this global pandemic. What was on your personal To Do list? What goals were you working toward? What projects were most important to you?

Are those things still important to you? Why or why not?

Does it still feel possible to make progress toward your objectives? Why or why not?

It may be tempting to use this disruption and uncertainty as a reason to give up on goals you have been working towards.  Or as an excuse to (over)indulge in things that move you even further from your goal. 

Alternatively, you can choose to find the ways in which this disruption offers an opportunity.

• Cooking more at home means eating more nutritious meals.
• Less commuting means more time to exercise.
• Fewer trips to the grocery store means less impulse buying.
• Not eating out equals less temptation to overindulge.
• The loss of old routines is a golden opportunity to establish new patterns.
• A change in employment status is a chance to pursue a new path.

You can decide which of your previous habits you want to return to when conditions allow and which of them you’ll shed for good. After all, not all of what we used to consider “normal” was good for us. 

How do I know that it is possible to grow and thrive in the midst of chaos and uncertainty?

I’m watching you do it.

In March, just as Covid was shutting down the world as we know it,  a new cohort was just beginning in the year-long Weighless program.  We’ve got teachers, parents, essential workers, business owners, furloughed workers, and first responders. And these people are KILLING it!  They aren’t making excuses. They are figuring it out.  (And if you can learn to weigh less during a global pandemic, there’s really nothing that can stop you.) 

In a few weeks, we’re planning to open enrollment for our next group. We don’t know how the current situation will affect enrollment.  We may have a smaller group than usual. And that’s totally fine.  In fact, it may be a bonus. Because these will be people who understand that conditions are never ideal and that health and well-being is not a luxury. And that right there is a powerful predictor of their success. 

In the meantime, I want to encourage all of us to use the challenges we are facing as an opportunity and not an excuse. 

How many times in the last 24 hours have you said (either outloud or to yourself) “I’m so stressed”  or “This is so incredibly stressful!”?

And it’s true: We are all going through something completely unfamiliar and unknown. We have to do things we’ve never done before, We have to find completely new ways of doing things that we’ve been doing all of our lives.

This is the textbook definition of stress.

For most of us, the word “stress” has a very negative, even harmful connotation. And when we hear and say and think it over and over again, it enhances the sense of doom and disaster.

But stress is not inherently bad or good, positive or negative. It’s just challenging.  And simply replacing the word “stress” with the word “challenge” can ratchet down the anxiety. And help you reclaim a sense of control and resilience.

Challenges can be energizing. They may cause us to discover strengths and talents we never dreamed of. We may have ideas and inspirations and experiences that we would never have had otherwise.

Of course, challenges can ALSO be difficult. They may be frightening, or painful, or sad. We may feel fatigued or anxious or numb.  I’m not denying that.

But we can work with those feelings (and our responses to them) much more effectively if we can name them more specifically.

So, instead of saying you feel “stressed” and diving for the chocolate, see if you can be more specific.  What actual physical sensations are you aware of? What emotions are you feeling?

And then consider how you can relieve that sensation, or address that feeling.

• If you’re hungry, fix a meal that will nourish both body and spirit.
• If your muscles are tense, try a gentle stretching routine.
• If your breathing is shallow, try some deep breathing.

• If you are tired, try taking a nap.
• If you are feeling grief, allow yourself to mourn.
• If you are keyed up, try releasing some energy by taking a brisk walk.
• If you are worried about someone, try reaching out to them.
• If you are anxious about having too many things on your to do list, do one of them.  (Or, remove one of them!)
• If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for help.
• If you’re depressed by news, turn it off.
• If you’re anxious about the future, bring your focus gently to the present, which is the only realm in which you have any agency.
• If you’re lonely, reach out to a friend.

We are all stronger, more resourceful and more resilient than we ever imagined.  I don’t think any of us would have chosen to be in our current circumstances. But every challenge is an opportunity for growth. And massive challenges offer the opportunity for massive growth.

Who can focus on their health goals when the world is falling apart? Who can resist comfort food when all of our normal comforts have been pulled out from under us?

Who has the bandwidth to work on behavior change right now? Who could blame you for stress eating your way through the next few months?

If thoughts like these have been running through your head, I want to offer you a completely different possibility.

Not only has it never been more important to work on our mindset and habits, it’s also never been easier.

This unprecedented set of circumstances offers an unprecedented opportunity.

After all, what is it that has always kept us from making progress in the past?  We’re too busy. We’re running from thing to thing, over-committed and over-extended. No time to think, much less plan.

Well, many of us just became full-time telecommuters. Most of our social lives and recreational activities have ground to a halt.

With nowhere to go, we suddenly have more time on our hands. Almost too much time. We’re bored and restless.

Perfect.

When else do we have time to slow down and observe our thoughts? To insert a pause between the moment we feel an urge or impulse and the moment we respond to it–and see what’s really going on in there?

To be more intentional about what, when, and how much we are going to move, eat, work, and rest.  To put some real thought into how we are going to execute our plan. To try it out, analyze our results, tweak, and try again?

None of us have ever experienced anything like this.  And it will not go on forever.  But we can absolutely exit this crazy episode with better habits and mindset than we went into it with.

I hope you’ll give it a try.

A day or so after one of my favourite runners of all time came in fourth in the USA Marathon Olympic trials, Boston Marathon Champion, 2-Time Olympian, and NCAA All-American, Des Linden, posted this on Twitter.

I share this for a few reasons:

1. Des had every reason to feel defeated and down after barely missing a spot on the 2020 USA Olympic Marathon team but instead she focussed on the fact that she didn’t quit and kept pushing through.
2. The idea that we can actually make a decision like “no quit” into a habit in our daily life is one that lends itself to success in many areas of life.
3. If we don’t quit, we can make our worst days into barely a hiccup rather than a disastrous cascade of choices that don’t align with our goals.

You know, before folks join us in the Weighless program, one of the prevailing issues that we see repeated again and again, is that when a person hits a bump in the road and makes a misstep (like eating a cupcake at the office birthday party or being too busy to make it to the gym) that instead of accepting that they slipped up and get immediately back on track, they quit and throw caution to the wind for the remainder of the day – or the week – or the month – and they resign themselves to start again when they are “really ready.”

But what if they added “no quit” as a habit?

What if they simply shook off that momentary lapse and got right back on track? Well, then they would join us in taking their worst day and make it “not that far off their best day.” A day that would have otherwise turned into a stream of regrettable decisions would instead be a day where you missed your workout but went for a lunchtime walk instead. Or you ate the cupcake but then had a lovely piece of fish and a salad for dinner.

The truth is that every time we give ourselves an excuse to quit, we get better at quitting. But every time we don’t quit, we get better at pushing through.

Which one would you rather practice?

At a very early age, society, advertising, and popular culture start instructing which foods are a treat and which aren’t a treat. I remember Saturday morning cartoons glorifying cupcakes, cheeseburgers, doughnuts and candy while vilifying vegetables, fish, liver and cottage cheese. It’s insidious the way they programmed us to believe that a doughnut is a treat and it should be gobbled up the moment it presents itself but we should only eat spinach if we are forced to by an authority figure (mom or a doctor).

But the great thing about becoming an adult is that we have the free will to actually test these societal assumptions and make up our own minds. If – and that is a big IF – we take the time to do so. And that is the key right there.

Here is an experiment: the next time a coworker brings in a box of some type of sugared-dough or other, watch as everyone devours them. Are they even tasting anything? Does anyone savour their treat? Or are they simply reacting to some ancient programming that tells us: sugar + dough = yum.

But does it? Really? Every single time?

It may seem like I am picking on doughnuts here (and I am) because I personally had a revelation a few years ago that most doughnuts actually suck. And on top of that, they give me a bit of a stomach ache and, after the brief sugar rush, make my energy levels plummet for the rest of the day.

After I tested the theory a few more times and decided I was right, I stopped eating the doughnuts that were brought into the office (nearly) every Friday. In fact, I became known as “the guy who doesn’t like doughnuts” around the office. A badge of honour and pride that was envied by many of my coworkers who had decided years ago that they were powerless to resist the sugar-dough combo in any form. It appeared to them that I had some superpower. But in reality, I had just taken time to test the theory that these so-called treats were actually a treat to me.

They weren’t.

And with that new knowledge, I didn’t have to use any willpower, motivation or superpower to say “no thanks” to them. I honestly did not want them or the repercussions they brought with them. And I am not even talking about calories here.

After that, I started testing other so-called treats and sure, a few of them are still on my list (I am a sucker for whipped cream) but many others went the way of the doughnut. And on the flip side, I realized that grabbing a bowl of spinach to eat popcorn-style was something I really enjoyed.

• Cupcakes – nope.
• Hard Candy – never.
• Pie (most fruit) – yup!
• Brussel Sprouts – yes, please!
• Cottage Cheese (with ground pepper & diced carrots) – hell yeah!
• French Fries – hard pass (I know, right?!?)

The challenge!

This is something we do in the Weighless Program: we challenge our members to take the time to actually taste their food, fully experience it – in the moment and also for the few hours after – and make up their mind for themselves. Treat or not?

You may find that birthday cake holds no allure but a stalk of rhubarb does. Those generic cookies you buy in a box from a little girl in a funky outfit are flavourless and pasty while the cookies made by your mother-in-law are totally worth it. Just because the words “burger and fries” are often said together that doesn’t make them a must-have combo, if you don’t actually enjoy the fries.

What is a treat to you and only you? You independent and discerning individual?